Chapter 20: Life Is Like a Dream

“Many little girls want to call me ‘Dad,’ but I always tell them not to hold their breath,” Lin Xiao thought to himself, though his reply was calm:
“Precisely because I have never been a father, I must experience the feelings you had when raising him.”

The doubts in Yue Chongguang’s eyes gradually faded, replaced by a glimmer of hope. Suddenly, he believed Lin Xiao could truly succeed.

He took a deep breath. “Alright, then you go ahead.”

Lin Xiao stepped behind him, gently placing his right hand on the back of Yue’s head.

Instantly, their consciousnesses linked, plunging into a sea of memories, countless scenes flickering like film reels before their minds.

Lin Xiao did not rush to pry—each memory he touched was clearly perceived by Yue Chongguang.

Several specific memories began to glow; these were memories Yue had intentionally guided him towards through recollection.

Otherwise, searching for a target in this vast river of memories would be like finding a needle in a haystack.

Lin Xiao’s consciousness was drawn to a long-buried memory—at least twenty years old.

Without hesitation, he immersed himself in it…

…

“Waaah~ Waaah~”

A baby’s loud cries echoed sharply in the stillness of the deep night.

Lin Xiao awoke with a start, instinctively reaching out—not to switch on the bedroom’s ceiling light, but to gently turn on the bedside night lamp.

The warm yellow glow was soft on the eyes, yet he carefully adjusted the lampshade so the light cast onto the white wall, then softly reflected back to illuminate the space beside him—this way, the child’s eyes wouldn’t be hurt, but he could still see clearly.

“Little one, what’s wrong? Hungry?” His voice still heavy with sleep.

But in the next moment, a sour, foul stench filled the air.

“He’s pooped!” Lin Xiao immediately understood.

He sighed, braving the cold night air as he stretched his hand out from under the covers to grab the bedside clock: 3:02 a.m.

In just four hours, he’d have to get up and prepare for work, but none of that mattered now.

“Good baby, Daddy will change your diaper.”

He whispered softly, lifting the blanket. The cold air caused him to shiver, but after quickly donning a light shirt, he began to undo the diaper.

As he opened it, a stronger stench hit him.

Yellow feces smeared across the baby’s small bottom, even reaching the upper thighs.

Yet Lin Xiao didn’t frown; he gently wiped with wet wipes, his movements careful and steady, afraid of hurting the child’s delicate skin.

Once clean, he carefully applied diaper cream before putting on a fresh diaper.

Finally done, he thought he could rest, but the baby continued to cry relentlessly.

Lin Xiao could only hold him close, softly patting his back as he paced the room.

Gradually, the child’s cries ceased, his breathing deepened, and he seemed to drift off to sleep.

But just as Lin Xiao was about to sit down and relieve his stiff arms,

the baby immediately burst into loud cries again.

Lin Xiao could only smile wryly; he wondered how this child, eyes closed, knew the moment he sat down.

…

He was forced to keep walking back and forth, holding the child, as soon as he sat down, the crying resumed.

He had no choice but to carry the baby through the cold night, pacing up and down.

Because he was holding the child, he hadn’t bothered to put on socks—only slippers on his feet—and the chill crept up from his toes, an unpleasant sensation.

Several times, thinking the baby had fallen asleep, he tried to lay him in the crib, only to be met with renewed wails, forcing him to pick him up and pace again.

The clock on the wall slowly approached 4:17 a.m.

Lin Xiao glanced outside—the sky remained pitch black. Knowing he’d have to wake in three hours for work, he realized this night would bring no rest.

But looking down at the now quiet little face in his arms, plump and peaceful, a smile involuntarily tugged at his lips.

Gently placing the child back into the crib, Yue Chongguang brushed his knuckles against that soft cheek.

Though the lingering smell of the dirty diaper still hung in the room, and his frozen toes had yet to regain feeling—tomorrow’s morning meeting would surely require several strong cups of tea to survive—at this moment, a strange satisfaction swelled within him.

A father, watching his fragile child, feeling that sense of being needed, is a deeply fulfilling thing.

Just as Lin Xiao basked in this paternal contentment, the scene before him shattered.

His consciousness was pulled back into Yue Chongguang’s sea of memories.

Before he could even process, waves of memories surged in…

…

“Waa~ Boohoo~”

A chubby little boy stood unsteadily, wiping tears from his eyes.

“Don’t be afraid, be brave and keep going forward, Daddy’s holding your hand!”

Lin Xiao instinctively clenched the makeshift walking harness in his hands—a piece of old clothing fashioned to fit under the child’s armpits and between his legs.

A gentle tug could prevent the child from falling.

Encouraged by him, the tot finally took his very first unsteady step…

…

“Daddy, say Daddy!”

“Scared!”

“Not scared, Daddy!”

“Dad scared!”

“Look at my mouth, Da~ Da~”

“Scared dad!”

“Hey, aren’t you just teasing me?”

These babbling memories filled Lin Xiao with incomparable warmth…

…

“Daddy, I’m already in second grade. I’m grown up! From today on, I’m going to school by myself. You’re not allowed to walk me!” The child pouted, hands on hips.

“But the road has so many cars…”

“I know! The teacher taught us. I’ll walk on the sidewalk and watch for traffic.”

Faced with his child’s insistence, Lin Xiao could only let him go to school alone.

But how could a father truly be at ease?

He could only follow quietly from a distance after the child left the house…

…

In this cascade of memories, Lin Xiao felt the joy of Yue Chongguang as a father watching his child grow bit by bit.

He also felt the heartbreak when the son, lacking companionship and guidance, gradually turned rebellious.

When the boy ran away at sixteen, leaving only a note, Yue Chongguang was utterly devastated.

After searching for years, their reunion was a scene of torment:

Yue’s trembling hand held a toothpick, pressing it between his son’s fingers.

“Never!” The young man gritted his teeth.

The toothpick pierced inch by inch into the spaces between the nails. The son broke out in cold sweat from the pain, and Yue felt as if his own heart was being pierced.

“Will you confess?”

“Let them… all die!”

Surrounded by the struggling, anguished children, Yue Chongguang wept, raising a hammer.

He struck precisely on his son’s bones, starting from his fingers, crushing them inch by inch—this was the most effective method he had learned in interrogation class to break a person’s will.

“Son, I beg you…”

“Who’s your… son?” The young man’s mouth was full of blood. “Killing me… won’t help!”

Despair overwhelmed Lin Xiao like a tidal wave.

He realized “heartache” was not just a metaphor but a real physical pain.

When his son’s last breath faded, the cries across the camp gradually quieted…

Lin Xiao didn’t understand why he refused to admit his mistakes even unto death.

Looking at the floor strewn with bodies, Yue Chongguang let out a despairing howl…

…

Lin Xiao suddenly opened his eyes, tears already soaking his clothes.

In a short time, he had traversed the joys and sorrows of fatherhood.

Now, dazed, he touched his chest, still feeling the sharp pain from the memories.

The overwhelming impact left him confused, momentarily forgetting who he was.

Yang Shubai asked with concern, “Lin Xiao, are you alright?”

So I am Lin Xiao…